Thursday, February 26, 2009

Back To Business

President Obama is a very good speaker. I hardly ever watch those things. I feel they are more of a cheerleading exercise than anything else, but I wanted to see the new President in his first address to Congress and I think it went well. But what do I know.

I just can't get over the applause aspect of those meetings. Those poor Congressmen must have really sore hands the day after one of those things.

Standing ovation when the President arrives.

Another when he is introduced.

He says "Hi", ....Standing ovation.

I think he sneezed once and got a standing ovation. But only the Republicans stood up for that.

The Democrats would stand and applaud when the Pres would say something they liked and the Republicans would stand when he mentioned something in thier favor. Both parties would stand when he would say something Generic.

As I was watching this little lovefest I started to get angry. Because I realised it was same as it has always been. You see.... I know what kind of speech he needs to make to congress.

Those people who were applauding when thier special interest was mentioned, well they are the one who got us into the the mess we are in right now. Congress has caused all the problems we have.

The Presidents first line in his speech should have been.

" What the HELL are you guys doing?"

Second line should be.

" Why are you sitting here applauding me when YOU could be fixing our country?"

and it should continue with.

"Our country is in trouble and You, the legislative branch of our government, has let it happen."


"Now get off you asses and go fix it!"

Congress might not give him an ovation for that speech, but the country would.

********Remember....It is important that YOU always feel good *****

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Barbecue Chips and Conspiracy Theories

As I sat down here to write my blog. I was considering writing a blog about the greatness of the Barbecue Potatoe Chip. Then other thoughts came into my mind.

I can hear you thinking to yourselves out there, "Oh crap! Roy's thinking again".

But wait, hear me out.

I have a friend at work who believes every theory out there. According to him we never went to the Moon,the earth is Flat, the government is is keeping the private companies from perfecting the Battery that last forever.

He has told me that there have been light bulbs invented that never burn out and somehow the oil companies have squelched the production of them just so that thay can keep selling more oil. That one I don't understand but I humor him because once he gets on a roll it's hard to stop him.

I have to get my responses out there so everyone knows where I stand on these conspiracies.

We did go to the moon. I saw it on T.V. Thats good enough for me and that settles it.

Batteries have been invented that last a very long time. and they are available and rechargable so ...duh.

They have invented a light bulb that will last for decades and even longer. But they cost like 14 Million dollars to produce.

Oswald did it , he did it alone. We just were not prepared for it. We didn't take all the precautions we should have . We didn't think it was possible but it happened and we learned from it and it would take a real conspiracy for it to happen again.

The 9/11 Tradgedy was not a government conspiracy. We just were not prepared for it. We didn't take all the precautions we should have . We didn't think it was possible but it happened and we learned from it and it would take a real conspiracy for it to happen again.

Elvis is Dead. Hundreds of people walked by his casket, and not one of them saw him breathing.

There is no Loch Ness Monster. Big Foot was just some guy in a gorilla suit.

The earth is round. If it wasn't round then National Geographic would have been to edge and reported it to us.

Dolly Parton's boobs are fake. Her Voice is real.

Nixon knew about Watergate and he did try to cover it up. My kids don't know what Watergate is.

Blue M & M's do have magical powers. They are outlawed in my house, we have enough kids here already.

NOW..... I feel better now. Im going to eat some Barbecue Chips and relax because it is Sunday.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

President Obama's Ears

Today just a few things that are on my Mind.

The Press Conference

First off, I watched the press conference on T.V. last night. I really wanted it to go well for our new President. But Damn, those ears are huge. And he wouldn't look at the camera, his head just kept going from side to side. I think maybe there was a fan in the room, and the wind kept blowing on them ears like big sails on a sailboat.

I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying, All I could think of was how much he must spend on cotton swabs to wash them big babies. I had the same problem with President Clinton, He has a great big red nose. I could never watch him give a speech, had to listen with my eyes closed.

Jessica Simpson

By now everyone has seen the picture. Jessica and the high top jeans. Whats the big fuss about? I still think she is hot.

She calls me all the time. (A lot of really hot women do. But thats another story)Last night she called me and told me a secret. Sorry Tony, but I promised I wouldn't tell.

The Economic Bail-out

Yeah right, best joke of the year and it's on all of us.

More Later.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

10 Reasons The World Will NOT End in 2012

The world will Not End in the year 2012. I have interviewed a number of very famous and well known fictional mediums. And they all have told me that the world will not end in the year 2012.

The top ten reasons are below.

1. Microsoft is putting out a new version on windows in 2012. (We all know how well they keep a schedule)

2. The Cowboys will WIN the NFL Championship that year. That big crackling sound we will hear will be Hell freezing over, not the world ending.

3. That Guy who wrote the Mayan Calender, well... He was a Cowboys fan.

4. They discovered that drinking red wine will make you live longer. I figure I will be around well into the next century.

5. Marissa Tomei will win an Academy Award in 2013. ( Don't say It Couldn't Happen.)

6. An unknown virus will infect Washingon DC and wipe out all the politicians, Who will survive?.... We Will.

7. L Ron Hubbard hasn't scheduled the spaceship to get here until 2014.

8. There will still be plenty of comic books that haven't been made into bad movies.

9. The warranty on my new car will expire Jan 1 2013.

10. Christian Bale said it wouldn't.